The Imp of the Perverse

So

2011-07-12T23:05:00.001+05:30

That perennial football sized lump in the throat...

How do you spit it out?

Just get it, already!

2011-04-06T23:31:00.001+05:30

You know what sucks? Realizing that the person you are so hopelessly in love with, resorts to posting comments of such high degrees of daftness on his new[est] love interest's even dafter status updates - which lack meaning, grammar, coherence and punctuation, and reek of fake prudence and pretentious display of her glorious non-existent intellect - just to get in her pants, that it shames you to pieces thinking you ever let him in yours.

Damn you, Facebook.

Thank you Fa~

2011-02-02T10:24:00.012+05:30

What woke you up this morning?
Alarm

What was your first thought this morning?
Kya hai!

Do or did you like school?
Quite

Do long distance relationships work?
Nope.

What do you want to be when you grow up?
You mean grow old. I don't want to.

How many car accidents have you been in?
Jeero.

Do you listen to music everyday?
Yesssss

What was the last thing you ate?
Mooli ka parantha

Are you a fast typer?
You betcha

What are you doing tonight?
Sleeping

Is anything bothering you?
Job

Do you miss someone?
Yes

Are you listening to music right now?
Yes

When were you the saddest in your life?
2006 - Present. Various reasons throughout

What makes you mad?
Mindless blabber aka bhabhi

Have you ever had a song written about you?
I don't know any songwriters

Have you ever sang in public?
At like an event? No. Otherwise, yes.

Are you a jealous person?
Superlative degrees of jealousy burning up inside all the fkn time.

What were you doing this morning at 7 AM ?
Sitting in cab checking twitter on phone.

What colour shirt are you wearing?
Green.

Do you wear the seat belt in the car?
Always.

Where will you be in an hour?
Right fkn here.

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a J?
Yes.

Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
My own.

When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
Yesterday.

+++++++
Bored at work.

Bas.

2011-01-15T15:35:00.001+05:30

Tum khush ho,

Bas is baat ka gham hai.

Count

2010-11-07T22:17:00.004+05:30

When I started reading The Stand, the whole swine flu thing came up everywhere. When I was in the middle of The Stand, I came across a news article - about a mystery man that appeared in a lot of people's dreams.

Now that I am reading Bram Stoker's Dracula, I've seen it being mentioned in a lot of places too. Varied places.

There were two references in two successive The Office episodes - one to Dr. Van Helsing and another to Transylvania. Someone on Facebook changed their profile picture to the exact same chapter's scene that I had finished reading the day before. Aamir Khan, as reported in Delhi Times, thinks Imran Khan would be perfectly suited to the role of Count Dracula.

It's giving me the chills to even write this blog post. The slightest noise is making me jump. The fan is turning with a slow eerie rhythm. The dim yellow bulb is only adding to the morbid atmosphere. My grandmother is having dreams that sound like out of body experiences. And apparently these days my grandfather, who passed away three months ago, is whispering things into my aunt's ear in the wee hours of the morning.

I am the only one up in the house. And I am sleeping alone tonight. Or am I? :S

Lonely nights

2010-08-19T01:03:00.001+05:30

Honth pe liye hue dil ki baat hum,

Jaagte rahenge aur kitni raat hum...

Mukhtasar si baat hai, tumse pyar hai,

Tumhara intezaar hai

Nope

2010-08-15T23:19:00.002+05:30

So I opened this page again.

But blogging seems like such an effort now.

Pfft

Familiar behaviour

2010-05-08T14:43:00.004+05:30

One of the major difficulties Trillian experienced in her relationship with Zaphod was learning to distinguish between him pretending to be stupid just to get people off their guard, pretending to be stupid because he couldn't be bothered to think and wanted someone else to do it for him, pretending to be outrageously stupid to hide the fact that he actually didn't understand what was going on, and really being genuinely stupid. He was renowned for being amazingly clever and quite clearly was so - but not all the time, which obviously worried him, hence the act. He preferred people to be puzzled rather than contemptuous.

Unrequited love

2010-05-01T10:18:00.002+05:30

He wears my broken heart

On a ring around his finger

Come back you

2010-04-06T00:45:00.008+05:30

I have the strongest urge to blog when I have no means to do it. When I am online and have the editor open in front of me, I have nothing to say. I think I have seen just about every blogger I know say something along these lines, at least once in the time frame in which I have followed their blog. I must have said it at least 50 times in the same duration. My virtual self is just about as lazy and useless as the real self. Finally the planes intersect. I have always wished they would, and wondered if they will ever.

Now for them to overlap...

Long shot, eh?

2010-02-21T22:22:00.002+05:30

Survivor

2010-01-30T13:30:00.001+05:30

"There's always the chance you could die right in the middle of your life story."

"Tell me something I don't know."

Louuuuu

2010-01-10T20:48:00.005+05:30

The Imp of the Perverse would like to point and laugh at this.

On a brighter note, though.

♥ ♥ ♥

It hurts, you know.

2009-12-25T11:50:00.000+05:30

It physically hurts.

Trial and Error

2009-10-06T13:32:00.000+05:30

Every night, around 11, when everyone at the place I'm staying these days goes to sleep, I go out for a smoke in the balcony. The balcony is my favourite part of this place. Not that it opens up to a great view of the mountains or an ocean or a sunrise or a sunset. Not even close. The most it offers me is a house full of people that don't quite look like a family, another with a Muslim family of little boys in knicker shorts and burqa clad women, a narrow street dotted with fancy and some not so fancy cars at sporadic intervals, an occasional hawker selling stuff I have no idea about, people coming from and going to places, yada yada yada, and a big sprawl of a tree blocking most of that too. After I have come back in and settled down, I hear a scratching noise near my window. Some leaves from that tree rustling, like there's a restless being trying to shake something off it. Footsteps on the street, hurried ministeps more like. Polythene bags. As if someone is looking for something through them. I thought I had upset a ghost with the smoking. Disturbed its peaceful afterlife, and it went looking for something to throw at me. I couldn't sleep for several hours after lying down, for days on end. I may have damaged my ear drums by playing music at an inhumanely loud volume trying to block out the noises [voices?]. But invariably so, every night around 11, when everyone at the place I'm staying these days goes to sleep, I go out for a smoke in the balcony. The balcony is my favourite part of this place. The balcony is my favourite part of Bangalore.

But today as I was out in the balcony, I realized the rustling ruffling noises from the trees are just squirrels and the leaves moving in the wind. And the ministeps and the polythene bags are rats. Big fat rats. Worse than ghosts! Heh.

I am sorry Bangalore. I have been bitching about you so much. I don't hate you. Not that I love you. But I most certainly don't hate you. But you will never be anything like Delhi to me. Not even close.
It's not you, it's me.

Let me make it easier for you

2009-10-04T21:22:00.001+05:30

Info
[ ] I am a boy.
[x] I am a girl.
[x] I am shorter than 5’4.
[x] I think I’m ugly sometimes.
[x] I have many scars.
[x] I tan easily.
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I have/I’ve had braces.
[x] I wear glasses.
[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free
[x] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercing in places besides my ears.
[ ] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life
[x] I’ve sworn at my parents.
[ ] I’ve run away from home.
[x] I’ve been kicked out of the house.
[ ] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[ ] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I’ve lost a child.

School/Work
[ ] I’m in school
[x] I have a job
[x] I’ve fallen asleep at work/school.
[x] I almost always do/did my homework.
[x] I’ve missed a week or more of school.
[ ] I’ve been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[ ] I’ve stolen something from my job.

Embarrassment
[ ] I’ve slipped out an “lol” in a spoken conversation.
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry.
[x] I’ve peed from laughing.
[x] I’ve snorted while laughing.
[ ] I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
[x] I’ve glued my hand to something.
[ ] I’ve had my pants rip in public

Health
[x] I was born with a disease/impairment
[x] I’ve gotten stitches/staples.
[ ] I’ve broken a bone.
[ ] I’ve had my tonsils removed.
[ ] I’ve sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
[ ] I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I had a serious surgery.
[x] I’ve had chicken pox.
[ ] I’ve had measles

Traveling
[ ] I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day
[x] I’ve been on a plane.
[ ] I’ve been to Canada.
[ ] I’ve been to Mexico
[ ] I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I’ve been to Japan.
[ ] I’ve celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] I’ve been to Europe.
[ ] I’ve been to Africa.

Experiences
[x] I’ve gotten lost in my city.
[x] I’ve seen a shooting star.
[x] I’ve wished on a shooting star
[ ] I’ve seen a meteor shower.
[x] I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[x] I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] I’ve been to a casino.
[ ] I’ve been skydiving.
[ ] I’ve gone skinny dipping.
[ ] I’ve played spin the bottle.
[ ] I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I’ve crashed a car.
[ ] I’ve been skiing.
[x] I’ve been in a play.
[x] I’ve met someone in person from Myspace/Xanga/Flickr.
[ ] I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I’ve seen the Northern lights.
[x] I’ve sat on a roof top at night.
[x] I’ve played chicken.
[x] I’ve played a prank on someone
[x] I’ve ridden in a taxi.
[ ] I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] I’ve eaten sushi.
[ ] I’ve been snowboarding.

Relationships
[x] I’m single
[x] I’m in a relationship
[ ] I’m engaged.
[ ] I’m married.
[ ] I’ve gone on a blind date.
[x] I’ve been the dumped more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I’ve gotten divorced.
[x] I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
[x] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
[x] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
[x] I’ve kept something from a past relationship.
[ ] I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[x] I’ve had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I’ve been kissed in the rain.
[ ] I’ve hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.

Honesty/Crime
[x] I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
[x] I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
[x] I’ve snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I’ve cheated while playing a game.
[x] I’ve cheated on a test.
[x] I’ve run a red light.
[x] I’ve been suspended from school.
[x] I’ve witnessed a crime.
[x] I’ve been in a fist fight.
[ ] I’ve been arrested.

Drugs/Alcohol
[x] I’ve consumed alcohol.
[ ] I regularly drink.
[ ] I’ve passed out from drinking.
[ ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[x] I’ve smoked weed
[ ] I’ve taken painkillers when I didn’t need them.
[ ] I’ve eaten shrooms.
[ ] I’ve popped E.
[ ] I’ve inhaled Nitrous.
[ ] I’ve done hard drugs.
[x] I have cough drops when I’m not sick.
[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
[x] I shut others out when I’m depressed.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I have been anorexic or bulimic.
[x] I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.
[x] I’ve hurt myself on purpose.
[x] I’ve woken up crying.

Death and Suicide
[ ] I’m afraid of dying.
[x] I hate funerals.
[ ] I’ve seen someone dying.
[x] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[x] I’ve planned my own suicide
[x] I’ve attempted suicide.
[ ] I’ve written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic.
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[ ] I own something from The Gap.
[ ] I own something I got on e-bay.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.

Random
[x] I can sing well.
[ ] I’ve stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[x] I watch the news.
[ ] I don’t kill bugs.
[ ] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[x] I curse regularly.
[x] I sing in the shower.
[ ] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[x] I’m a snob about grammar.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I twirl my hair
[ ] I have “x”s in my screen name.
[x] I love being neat.
[ ] I love Spam.
[x] I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a day
[x] I bake well.
[x] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue
[x] I’ve worn pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[ ] I know how to shoot a gun
[ ] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[x] I eat fast food weekly.
[x] I believe in ghosts.
[x] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[ ] I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[x] I can’t sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[ ] I am really ticklish.
[x] I love white chocolate
[ ] I bite my nails.
[ ] I play video games.
[ ] I’m good at remembering names.
[ ] I’m good at remembering dates.
[ ] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life

Lonesome tonight

2009-09-28T00:27:00.000+05:30

I am a good friend. I know I am.
So many of you have said that to me. And not just for the sake of it. I know you mean it when you say it. Because I know I am a good friend.

Why can't you do the same for me? Why can't you listen to me when I talk? Why can't you actually respond instead of just hmmm-ing along? Why do I feel like I am talking to a wall? Why do you turn to me when you need a friend? Why do you turn to me when you feel like I am feeling now? Why can't I turn to you now? Should I do the same with you? Should I just stop considering you a friend?

It breaks my heart, you know.
It breaks my heart.

?

2009-09-27T12:14:00.002+05:30

I deleted this blog too last night.
I was madly frustrated.

I can't write. I just can't.
I am disappointed in myself.

There was an option to undelete.
So I undeleted. I don't know why.

I wish I could write.
I wish I could.

Excerpts

2009-09-19T02:19:00.003+05:30

"The beauty of religious mania is that it has the power to explain everything. Once God (or Satan) is accepted as the first cause of everything which happens in the mortal world, nothing is left to chance...or change. Once such incantatory phrases as "we see now through a glass darkly" and "mysterious are the ways He chooses His wonders to perform" are mastered, logic can be happily tossed out the window. Religious mania is one of the few infallible ways of responding to the world's vagaries, because it totally eliminates pure accident. To the true religious maniac, it's all on purpose."

"There is nothing so comforting to the beaten of spirit or the broken of skull than a good strong dose of "Thy will be done.""

"Inspector, I stand amazed - your deductive acumen is exceeded only by your good looks and the extraordinary length of your reproductive organ."

-Stephen King, The Stand

:-)

I hate Bangalore.

2009-09-12T15:24:00.000+05:30

Hate it hate it HATE it.

2009-06-19T03:03:00.000+05:30

I need an easy friend
I do
With an ear to lend.

--
I love my wallpaper.

Uh-oh

2009-05-29T13:35:00.000+05:30

I don't know how [or why] it started. But I know how [and when] it's going to end.

Frankly speaking, I think he is disgusting.
Honestly speaking, I don't like him at all.

BUT.
I'm on the other side of it all this time. The side I've been subjected to. The side I've been curious about. It's for all the wrong reasons, yes. But I don't care.

So, here goes...nothing.

Lost

2009-05-18T01:39:00.001+05:30

Sometimes I hope to wake up the next morning and have my life sorted.
Like everything in the exact right place, where it should be.
A simple life.

I wish I didn't have to make any decisions.
They're all so inconsequential anyway, ain't?

I wonder when this heart will feel light again. Free.
Will it? Ever?

Why do you do this?
Why?

...

Title

2009-03-15T02:25:00.000+05:30

I would like to write an abstract post someday. Something that seemingly reflects my wisdom, knowledge and understanding of life and its ways, but talks about nothing in particular. You know?
Hell, I'd love to do a series of those.

There is a plethora of blogs around that are full-fledged tributes to abstract writing, as I call it, that it fascinates me no end, and makes me think about these people and wonder what they are like in real. If they always talk like that too. If they extract lessons and morals out of everything, drawing conclusions from the most mundane to the most remarkable of occurrences and experiences. If they observe Life ever so closely and quickly grasp the magnitude and impact of every incident, action and reaction. If they always have a philosophical anecdote to share, at the drop of a hat. And in such lyrical verses at that.

That is the best part for me, how beautifully they put it all in words. And the reader who has, at some point or the other in his life, felt or experienced that which inspired the post finds a connection right there and that connection inspires the appreciation of how well the blogger described what the reader had felt in that moment, on that day, in his own experience, but never could define himself. And feelings are always abstract, you know. And I feel anything abstract can only ever be explained in terms of analogies, similes and metaphors.

I could never do that. I could never draw a decent analogy. I could never come up with a metaphor. I would call a hat, a hat. I would call a shoe, a shoe. And I would call a spade, a spade. Someday, but, I would like to write how these people write. Someday I would like to write about the lessons I carry in concrete chunks, as abstract shards of broken artifacts, put together to form a shape that nobody understands, but compliments nevertheless, for the constitutive fragments remind them of their own flecks and scraps collected overtime.

Or in other words-I would like to, you know, write an abstract post someday.

-----

"I'll tell you the truth, man," Poke said. "All of a sudden I feel as nervous as a longtail cat in a room fulla rockin chairs."
- The Stand, Stephen King

Smooth

2009-02-22T00:50:00.007+05:30

"It's been so long since I wrote something on paper without copying from a book, a file, the internet. My thoughts. I love this. New notebook, smooth paper. New gel pen. I've never liked gel pens much, but now I'm really giving up Jetter, 045 etc. for Cello gel pens. Cello makes the best pens. And this paper is so smooth. The nonsensical repetitive sentences are just flowing out of the new Cello gel pen onto the smooth paper effortlessly, mostly because of the semi conscious state I am in. Almost bed time. But there is so much running through my mind right now. And the weather is just lovely. Wish I could go for a walk. I'd open the window but then my nose would start running and I hate it when that happens. Besides there's just too much noise outside. Vehicles, dogs, late-teen boys. Inside the house is just the mother and her snoring, the fridge of course, coming back to life every 15 minutes with a very audible buzz. Inside the head are incoherent thoughts on myriad disjoint themes. My hand writing really needs to improve. Oh it's been so long since I wrote nonsense on paper! Such fine paper and with such a smooth pen. I like this. I think I'll put it up on my blog. And I'll take a picture of this page and add it to the post too. Just so I remember the day when I wrote on such a nice paper and with such a nice pen. When I enjoyed it so much that now the vacuuming force that is sleep is completely evading me. I think I'll read The Stand now. But it was fun filling up such a smooth page with my new Cello Flo-Gel 0.5 mm Japanese Waterproof Ink pen. Good night!"

Facebook

2009-02-17T09:06:00.003+05:30

I am going for Dev D again today. I really really liked it. And I'm addicted to Paayaliya and Nayan Tarse.
I used to think I'd be great with a camera in my hand up until I got one. Now I know I suck at it but no regrets!
I want to live alone. But in New Delhi only.
I miss having friends. My best friend's position is jinxed. They all just...leave.
I don't love my brother. Slightly I respect him. But I don't love him. He doesn't love me either.
I fail to understand how anyone can live and die a vegetarian. I actually fail to understand.
I am vain enough to think if I lose all excess weight, I'll be hot. Like really really South Delhi hot.
My sense of humour used to be really good. I don't know what happened.
I am a very selfish person but for people I really like, which are very very few.
But I like to please people in general.
I am very judgmental and shallow. My opinion of anything and anyone has rarely ever changed.
I hate giving interviews. The worst is to answer the question "Tell me something about yourself".
My spoken English really sucks.
I used to write better in school than I do now. Once in class 7, the English teacher liked my essay in an exam so much she read it out to the class and gave me a toffee. That was one of the best days I've had so far.
I hate meeting people. I really don't know what to talk about with anyone.
I am a very good listener. But I tend to wander off easily too.
The strangest of people seek me for advice and I never have one.
Up until not so long ago I used to use "lolz" :|
I want to have a massive library in my house. In which I want to have every edition and cover of the books I like.
I have zero fashion sense. I suck at dressing up and accessorizing. My solution to this problem is not going out altogether which I have stuck to religiously.
I have very limited knowledge of English movies and music. I'm working on it.
I like to clean. Like Monica clean!
Honestly, like really really honestly, I'm not very positive about ever finding a person who'd want to live the rest of his life with me.
I'm late for Dev D.
I love corrupting people. Making them smoke, drink, non-vegetarianizing them etc. But druggies gross me out. Even cannabists.

Valentine

2009-02-14T13:10:00.002+05:30

I have set a little target.

Next year, February 14 is not going to be spent at home sitting online writing on my blog. I want to have a date. Proper romantic date with a boyfriend.

Let's see how goes.

PDA

2009-02-03T18:23:00.003+05:30

I saw Slumdog Millionaire again this Saturday. I didn't like it much the first time when I saw it on computer. But my brother, cousin and her new husband of 2 months [old boyfriend of 11 years] were going for it so I tagged along mainly to escape dinner at home, and to hear AR Rahman's music on that sound system.

But I regretted my decision soon enough when the movie had so much as just started rolling and the husband whispered to my sister - I'm going to kiss you four times now. My cousin thankfully just laughed it off, which probably meant it was some kind of inside joke between them or something.

We weren't 15 minutes into the movie, when the cousin leaned over and the husband kissed her on her lips. Well.

And this continued for the rest of the length of the movie. My brother who sat to my right was completely oblivious to the lovey-dovey activities going on on my left. I wanted to tell them off, but wasn't sure how to. So I put my left hand on the side of my face, the thumb pressed tightly against the ear to block out the...well...noises. I hoped to get the message across - you know, the whole samajhdar ko ishara and everything; but of course they were too busy to notice.

Anyway, finally I was better able to concentrate on the big wide screen. But then this BRIGHT blue light kept blinking somewhere to my right in the front row, which turned out to be from a bluetooth earpiece that a bald man was wearing. Soon enough he took out his hi-fi business phone and the stylus and started tapping at it. The blue light was SO bright, it almost blinded me in my right eye.

So then I let the movie just go by while I slept with my stole covering my face. The couple in love was unfazed and the bald man continued romancing his PDA device.

The next time I'm definitely going to speak up to the bald man too busy to live without his bluetooth for two hours on a Saturday night. The couple I'm never going for a movie with again.

In other news, I've quit my first job. Good riddance.

Happy new year

2009-01-18T15:57:00.003+05:30

What are you listening to right now?
- Coming Back to Life - Pink Floyd

What are the last four digits in your cell number?
- 0254

What was the last thing you ate?
- Rajma chawal, kadi chawal, paneer pakoda, cabbage+aloo+matar, parantha, roti, salad, chewing gum

Last person you hugged?
- Mamaji

How is the weather right now?
- Just right

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
- Pickup executive

The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
- Pesnalty

Favorite type of Food?
- Murga, murgi aur chooze

Do you want children?
- No.

Ever get so drunk you don't remember the entire night?
- No

Hair colour?
- Brown

Favorite holiday?
- I guess Madras, May 1996

Favorite Season?
- Spring

Have you ever cried over a boy/girl?
- Yes.

Last Movie you Watched?
- Oye Lucky! Lucky Oye!

What books are you reading?
- To Kill a Mocking Bird - Harper Lee, Tales of Mystery and Imagination - Edgar Allan Poe, Java 2: The Complete Reference, Fifth Edition - Herbert Schildt

What were you doing before filling this out?
- Getting bored.

Any pets?
- No :(

MSN or Facebook?
- Google Talk

Dogs or cats?
- Puppies

Favourite Flower?
- No such thing

Have you ever loved someone?
- Atif Aslam

Who would you like to see right now?
- Same as above

Have you ever fired a gun?
- Yes, and I managed to pop a few balloons. So proud I was.

Do you like to travel by plane?
- I've only travelled in the cheap ones and they have bad food, so no.

Right-handed or Left-handed?
- Right

If you could go to any place right now where would you go?
- I always say this - The Past.

Are you missing someone?
- My books.

Do you have a tattoo?
- No

Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings?
- No

Are you 18?
- No!

What is the wallpaper on your cellphone?
- Animated slanted orange graphic equalizer

Did you get enough sleep last night?
- Only 6.5 hours

First thing you thought about this morning?
- Snooze the fucking alarm

What do you have handy at your bedside?
- Nothing

Grilled or fried?
- Fried

What makes you unique?
- Nothing in particular, but everything put together is quite a unique product.

Are you afraid of the dark?
- I haven't seen a horror movie in a long time so I can safely say - no.

Favourite hangout?
- Home

3 things you can't live without?
- Books, free downloading, petty cash

First thing you will buy if given 1 thousand dollars?
- Laptop

Favourite song?
- Teri Yaad - Jal

What are you afraid of?
- Experiencing motherhood

Are you a giver or taker?
- Taker for everyone, giver for people I really really like.

What are your nicknames?
- None in particular

What is your dad's middle name?
- Pal

Stuck on a deserted island & could bring one thing?
- Books

Favourite TV commercial?
- Fevicol ads

Who's your cell phone provider?
- Airtel

First thing you'll save in a fire?
- I probably can't, but I will try to save my books.

Favourite colour?
- Blue

What are the things you always bring with you?
- Sunshine :P

What did you wanna be when you were a kid?
- Air-hostess. I still do.

What do you usually do when the clock reads 7 AM?
- Snooze the fucking alarm

The colour of your bedsheet?
- Maroon

Who do you want to meet?
- Future boyfriend/husband

What do you think about before you go to bed?
- "I'll definitely get up on time tomorrow."

My only friend.

2008-11-29T17:05:00.005+05:30

I am at work.
I have my feet resting up on the wall.
I have the keyboard on my lap.
I am listening to The Doors in my phone on volume low enough. For my ears only.
I am reading A Time to Kill.
I am trying to finish A Time to Kill, before Tuesday night.
I want to start reading The Stand from Wednesday early morning on my flight to Chennai.
I am drinking hot coffee.
I am meeting old friends for dinner later.
I bought two more books two days back. I should stop.
I will get a salary account in ICICI.
I am waiting for my salary. First. Three weeks to go.
I get my first client tomorrow. Hopefully.
Finally. After long. Things are looking up.

But when the music's over, I'll turn out the lights.

My share is my own.

2008-11-16T15:45:00.003+05:30

The one virtue the world expects you to develop implicitly when you have brothers and sisters is sharing. Everything is always evenly divided between the siblings. Even the law states that.
I somehow escaped the lessons. I hate to share. HATE.
If I own something - I take it that it belongs to me. Completely, absolutely and only to me. I am literally squirming inside as someone decides to lay their hands or eyes on my possessions. I hate people touching my clothes. I hate people checking my phone out. I hate people taking pictures with it. I hate my friends having other friends. I hate my cousin when she takes my earrings. I hate people writing with my pens, drawing with my ruler, erasing with my eraser. I hate people nibbling at my food. I hate people wanting to know my thoughts. I hate to share my opinion. I hate to share my music.
And I hated my brother more than I have hated my ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, when he checked my books out on the shelves, taking this book out, putting that one back, reading the back covers, shuffling through the untouched pages, judging if it's even worth reading (How DARE he!), selecting the one given to me by him on my birthday, asking me where all the bookmarks were, choosing my absolute favourite one from the pile and just walking off with them to take with him on his weekend trip.
And I hated my cousin as much when she took my Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows on her trip and when she took my The Shining to office everyday for one week and didn't even read it!

I hate to share. HATE.

Stuck

2008-11-02T18:10:00.002+05:30

I'm still stuck in the '90s.
I don't know why, but whenever a year in the 1990s is mentioned, or something that was prevalent in the 1990s, I'm thinking, "Well, that was not so long ago, is it?" Until I take a moment to calculate how it's been almost a decade since the '90s were concluded. Sigh.

The Indian cricket and cricketers are one of those things. The Indian team in my head still consists of the young Tendulkar, Dravid, Ganguly, Srinath, Kumble, Venkatesh Prasad, even Vinod Kambli. That is the team I know. Yuvraj, Zaheer, Sehwag are the new kids on the block to me.

How I'd explain that is this. I stopped watching cricket after my team started to evaporate - member by member. New players were brought in. Unfamiliar faces in the very familiar blue uniforms. It wasn't fun anymore. The excitement diminished with every new replacement. The memory then stuck stubbornly with how I wanted the team to be, confirming to my whim and convenience.

And honestly, my tryst with cricket was (is?) limited to the one-day Indo-Pak matches. It used to be maniacal then. With the incessant lashing out, the scowls, the glares, the dismissive nods, the abuses, and the photo-finish close matches - ah, good cricket :D Once very early on, my dad pointed out Chacha Cricket to me and said this old man with the white beard in green coveralls waving the Pakistani flag went to see every match there was that Pakistan was playing. Every. So, thence, I would look for him in every match. That was some added excitement. Sharjah was the high point for me. And the 100% World Cup record against Pakistan is something I hold close to my heart (although this WC was abysmally disappointing, as far as my interest was concerned).

But now that I think about cricket, it feels like there is nothing left in it for me. Australia is the new arch-rival. Now when someone jumping with excitement tells me "India jeet gayi" is when I realize there even was a match, unlike in the '90s when I would keep track of matches and tournaments and follow them to the extent that an ardent devoted ten year old Indian girl would.

I have tried following the "new" cricket, with the "newcomers" [who're almost ten years in the game already]. But. It's just not the same for me.

The news of Kumble's retirement today.
Brings back the '90s.
Vividly.
My team's gone.
*sniff*

Morning After

2008-11-01T10:26:00.001+05:30

Surprisingly enough
I'm still thinking about it.

Elements

2008-10-26T00:06:00.006+05:30

I have decided to write a poem today,
For I have no job, and I have no pay.
I don't know what to write about though,
I am no Coleridge, I ain't no Poe.
This is not my first, probably not the last.
This friend, for a good husband, every Monday keeps a fast.
If you want my first, well, no can do,
For I tore that paper up, this will be deleted too.
Writing a poem is about as hard as I thought it would be,
Poetry, I am convinced now, is not my cup of tea.
I am thinking, still thinking, and thinking I am still,
How about we talk of something else until?
So tell me how you've been and what is new in your life,
How is the mother, the kids, the maid, the boss and the wife?
Doesn't this remind you of something, of nothing - like Seinfeld!
It was nice back then, in the shade on the terrace, when his hands in mine I held.
Woah, look at that, this is longer than I thought!
In this time of changing seasons, the flu have you too caught?
The sequence of words in a line of a poem doesn't, to make sense, seem to matter,
Which I find is so convenient, like my love once for Nick Carter.
"No love, no glory, no hero in her sky,"
sings Damien Rice for me, and he makes me cry.
I could go on with this, now I feel I was wrong,
Hey cool it, it's not like with a nasal twang, I'm singing you a song!
For your frowns and your scorns, I won't lie, I am feeling hurt,
By the way, did I tell you, I really like Cobain Kurt?
All right I'll stop, you don't have to yell!
How did you find it though? Please do comment and tell.
The fan turns slow tonight but still the wind chimes chime,
My poem might suck but dude...at least the lines rhyme.

Inert gases are rare gases

2008-10-23T23:50:00.004+05:30

The only thing constant in the world, is change. Everything is changing. All the time. Everything. And everyone. Right from the level of sub-atomic particles, to the level of the infinite universe. Trends change. Attitudes change. Relationships change. Tastes change. Fantasies change. Favourites change. Dreams change. Goals change. Priorities change. Principles change. They change. You change. I change.

We are all changing.

These changes, they are not visible, not obvious, throughout. For change is a process. A sly, gradual process that is masterfully capable of being imperceptible. But only for so long. And, it is only after you look back after a while has passed, that you realize how much things are different now. The extent of change visible to you is always proportional to the time passed between how far back your reference memory goes and status quo.

And all it takes is a moment. One fleeting glance at a stale yellowed image disregarded all along for the sake of obsolescence. This moment of reflection is always the result of an ephemeral epiphanic instant of realization that flashes by your mind in an innocuous, blink-miss manner that only but leaves behind that image of how you had been perceiving things all along, right beside of what they are presently, making it easier for you to - spot the differences.

After the moment of realization, comes the reaction - sorrow, relief, joy, surprise, anger, shock, frenzy, or indifference. Every man has his own individual way of dealing with it. Stimulus -> response. In fact, every man has several ways of dealing with changes in his life. The response always depends on the stimulus. On what the change means to him. And most importantly, on what deliberate changes he must now make so as to incorporate in his life, as best as he can, what has already manifested itself as a constant - The Change. Until it's Time again.

First attempt

2008-10-19T18:58:00.004+05:30

A blank canvas gives you true freedom. Of expression, of speech, of choice.
Of mind.
Of soul.

The ideas seething inside are eager to come out. And take shape. In what form is what we decide. Whether we pick a pen, a guitar, a camera, a brush or click on the new blog post button, we are ready to bring forth to the foyer, opening out for the world to see, something personal, and yet, universal. And in the very act - smell the first fresh fragrant whiff of freedom, exhilarating and liberating. Intoxicating.

The immense overwhelming potential that a blank canvas provides you with, to create anything, and I mean anything, out of Nothing, is so authorizing, it makes you feel as powerful as God.

Once you have identified your method, your weapon of choice, you have embarked upon the path towards immortalizing yourself. With every brush stroke, with every picture clicked, with every string plucked, with every sentence concluded, you are one step closer to the infinite. To God.